This month brought the number of Nigerians I know or have heard
of, who have committed suicide, to five. It matches the number of friends and
acquaintances who have been struck down by a stroke. It may seem like a
miniscule number, but I regard it as an alarming trend. Cause of death – killed
self with work/suicide – and it seems to happen to the best people.
People who have lived three or four lifetimes by the time they
are 30 or 40. The account of their achievements and the contributions they made
to the lives of those around them is too long for them to even recall.
Yet, a significant number of people who achieve early success
also suffer from depression, feelings of inadequacy and despair.
They die
young, mourned by those they leave behind who marvel at what they were able to
cram into their short lives.
A survey of tramps and homeless people in the US and the UK
unearthed, amongst them, some former CEOs and middle class people who got up
one day and simply walked away from the pressures and responsibilities of being
successful. They opted for ‘the simple life of a tramp’ – their only concern
where to get the next meal and where to rest their head each night. I have
never looked at mentally unstable people whom we occasionally see wandering our
streets and thought that their lives were simple.
I can understand what people who chose to become tramps were
running away from, though. In all the trappings of ‘civilisation’, development
and Westernisation, our free spirit is confronted with the choice of living a
life constrained by our ‘status’ or giving it all up and flying free.
What is life? The phenomenon of suicide is creeping into our culture. I
believe that a big part of this has to do with how we define what life is. I
don’t mean the life that many believe is ‘breathed into our bodies’ by God, or
the moment when the collection of cells in the womb take on a life of their
own. I mean the life that we live. What would make life unbearable for you?
What makes a decent person give up their life of honest labour, family and
community and turn to a friendless life of crime, cruelty and material gain?
What makes a person put their life on the line as do soldiers, freedom
fighters, terrorists and activists? Is there a sliding scale, a tipping point
beyond which life loses its value and potency and can be acceptably
extinguished?
It seems like people have decided that life and quality of life
are equivalent to each other. Are they? Growing up, life had its own value. For
some of us, life was accompanied by suffering. For others, life brought struggle.
Yet more found prosperity and happiness. Life was characterized
by your condition, but it was not defined by it. That distinction seems to have
blurred.
What is life without
happiness?
As Nigerians, we love life with a capital L! We did not emerge
the happiest people on earth in the University of Michigan’s World Values
Survey, for nothing. Until recent events proved us wrong, we had a multitude of
rib-cracking jokes, and a strongly held belief that no Nigerian could be a
suicide-bomber. We simply love life.
Yet, what is the relationship between life, quality of life and
happiness? In the same survey, when asked how satisfied with our lives we were,
Nigeria dropped from 1st to 19th. As defined by psychologist, Jonathan
Freedman, “happiness… is a positive, enduring state that consists of positive
feelings… and includes both peace of mind and active pleasures or joy.” We
know that we have positive feelings, a lot of it grounded in faith and nature.
That is what makes us feel happy. We mark all occasions, both
sorrowful and joyful, with celebrations of thanksgiving. So what is it that is
destroying our peace of mind? Why do people say things like, “I cannot live
with all these debts” or “I cannot live without him/her.” We won’t actually
stop breathing because of debt, or because a loved one has left our lives. Life
goes on, albeit with struggle and sorrow tagging along for a while.
If we “don’t want to live like this” – then, we don’t. We have
free will. We can change our lives with the snap of our fingers. It is very
simple to change one’s condition of life. It is simply a very difficult
decision to make.
Up to the ears in commercial debt? Declare bankruptcy. Move from
your three-bedroom house in the best part of town to a one-room apartment in
less fancier parts – or squat with friends and family.
Take any job you can get
regardless of your educational qualifications and your experience.
Yet, what makes this difficult to do? History abounds with
people who have suffered devastating reversals in their lives and got up,
started anew and reached the heights again. We struggle with our self-worth,
with the fear of failing our expectations of ourselves and, more importantly,
failing the expectations others have of us.
Through it all, remember that life is sacred.
That the people
who love you most value having you among the living more than your quality of
life or what you can do for them, no matter what they say about disgrace and
disappointment. If you are in despair, seek peace of mind and happiness.
No need to seek death. It knows where we are and will find us
when our time is up.
