Let's face it, no one is perfect. No matter how hard you try, or how loving and respectful a couple you are, you are bound to get into a disagreement once in a while.
People from different backgrounds and of different attitudes are often brought together by love either in a romance or marriage. Of course, we all know? there is no how two people can have the same character, even identical twins do have different characters.
But the key to a healthy relationship is understanding and patience. Once you are in a relationship, you should learn to understand what gets your partner angry and avoid it completely. Know that the key to living in peace and increasing your love for each other is to avoid arguments.
Although some people claim that arguments are healthy in relationships but others think that you only argue with the people you love. While there may be some elements of truth in these assertions, the truth remains that no one can win an argument, because most arguments lead to trading of abusive words which can only diminish the bond and love that once existed between two lovers.
Terry and Teju’s case is an example of couples who have ruined their once burning love with arguments which often starts with the trading of abusive words at each other and eventually leading to a fight. Terry, a banker, met the “love of his life,” Teju, three years ago while shopping in a supermarket. One thing led to another and when Teju got pregnant, she moved in to live with Terry.
Trouble started when Teju started accusing Terry of cheating on her, sometimes she would go through his call logs to call and rain insult on any girl he had talked to earlier in the day. After that, she would also engage her partner in arguments to ask who else he had been sleeping with aside her.
As we all know, there is a limit to the level of insults that men can take from women because they will always want to defend their ego. Terry who could no longer hold his patience would start to exchange abusive words with her and finally beat her up not minding the fact that she was pregnant with his child.
This is the same drama that their neighbours had to put up with until Teju put to bed. Even at that, the arguments and fights never stopped and the love that once existed between them gradually dwindled because of arguments.
Should you be the argumentative type, here are some of the things to bear in mind the next time you feel an argument is starting to form.
Learn To Compromise
If you can learn to compromise, you'll find yourself in fewer disagreements. If you don't like something, then agree with your partner to find some middle ground. This also applies the other way. Be willing to come up with alternative solutions for things your partner doesn't like as well!
Give Some Space
Give your partner enough space to voice his or her concerns. I know you hate it when people interrupt you, give your partner the same respect even if you don’t agree with what he is saying.
Try To Understand Your Partner
Always make an extra effort to really understand what your partner is trying to say. It is very easy to fall into the trap of thinking you know what they are saying, when you may not have a clue. If your partner feels like you understand what he is saying, you’ll find a way to end the argument quickly.
Don’t Say Something You’ll Regret Later
Always consider your relationship like a glass. It is sturdy, tough, beautiful and clear when taken care of, but if it is mistreated or mishandled it can end up scratched, cracked or even broken. Take care in choosing the words you say when you are in the heat of the moment.
Don't Bring In Past Woes
The past is the past… let it stay there. If you dwell on past occurrences, you'll never find a solution for the future your partner will feel less loved and respected, and you will always feel negatively towards your partner.
People make mistakes. Give your partner the chance to recover from them, and encourage and support them when they make the right choices.
Try To Avoid Blames
The fact of the matter is that it takes two people to argue and so, whatever an argument is about, it is equally both of your faults. A common progression from a dispute is that it actually turns into a tirade of working out whose ‘fault’ the argument was, which is an absurd outcome.
Finally, let your partner know exactly when something upsets you. I've found that many people tend to not speak up when something bothers them, thinking that it is trivial to mention it.
Unfortunately, what happens is after repeated times of not speaking up, some small occurrence happens and it ends up being the straw that broke the camel's back.
The other partner, more often than not, has no clue what they are upset about and therefore thinks they are over-reacting. If you find yourself in this situation, deal with each thing as it happens. Don't let things build up until you explode.