It’s a painful situation, seeing your friend being mistreated by her man and yet she can’t see it because the “love bug” has blinded her. That’s why it’s unsettling to see a good friend in a bad-dating situation. Like it or not, all love isn’t healthy love.
If he doesn’t make her happy, she shouldn’t be with him. The trouble is, you know that, but she doesn’t. How do you convince a friend that she deserves much better? Is it possible to do this without seeming like you are jealous of her man? Yes it is. You just have to be real careful. Here are five rules to follow when you’re ready to have a heart-to-heart.
Pick the right time
Talking “crap” about your friend’s guy every time his name comes up won’t make her break up with him any faster. In fact, it could have a reverse effect. She’ll start to think of you as a hater who isn’t on her side.
The next time you really want to sit down and discuss how she’s feeling about her relationship, she’ll be fed up and over it. We’re not saying pretend you’re cool with him (you don’t have to be fake), but you shouldn’t be negative all the time either. No one wants to be around a negative-type. Careful or you could wind up losing a friend.
Be prepared to fail
Managing your expectations is key when you’re trying to help a friend out of an emotionally toxic situation. Just because you’re telling her the truth about her relationship doesn’t necessarily mean she’s going to listen, or understand. Some people aren’t always ready to hear what’s best for them, even if they have asked you to give it to them straight.
Remember your job is to support her; don’t make it too obvious that you’re disappointed or frustrated with her reaction. It could take quite a few heart-to-heart for her to see light. Or, she may not ever come around. Don’t go into this expecting to be a hero. Just do your best to help your friend.
Pace yourself
Rome wasn’t built in a day, and you won’t be able to convince your girlfriend to breakup with her bad “news beau” overnight. If you want to help her, you’re going to need patience.
Take her to lunch and let her know you can tell she’s unhappy and you’re concerned. See what her reaction to this is. If you upset her, drop the issue for now.
Pushing her won’t get you anywhere. Change the subject and let her know you’re always available if she needs to talk. After sometime has passed and you feel the moment is right, you can try bringing it up again.
Remind her of her worth
If your friend feels attacked by your words or feelings, you may be coming on too strong. Look her in the eyes and tell her you want the best for her and that you’re not sure the one she’s with is deserving of her greatness.
Remind her of things she’s said in the past that contradict her behaviour today. Yes, it’s tough love time, but ultimately, you’re trying to get her to rediscover her confidence and snap out of it. Men prey on a woman’s weakness and ability to stand up for herself when it counts.
Point out the obvious
You don’t need to take off the gloves when you sit down and talk to your friend about what’s going on. It’s a sensitive subject, so you should be fair and sensitive to her feelings. Without attacking her character, or his, it’s best if you just point out the obvious, if you’re accusing her boyfriend of being bad news.
Say things like, “you never smile when he’s around” or “he ignores your phone calls” instead of things like “he’s the biggest jerk in the world” or “you can do so much better than him”. You’re essentially saying the same thing, but in a less hurtful manner.
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