In what seems to be a growing trend now, paternity tests are revealing that some menmight not be their children’s biological fathers, bringing nightmares to families in Nigeria. ANIETIE UDOBIT writes on this disturbing trend.
Mr and Mrs Timothy have been married for the past eight years, living happily as husband and wife.Timothy, a young Nigerian Estate Surveyor and Nnena, a beautiful graduate of public administration areblessed with four children, three girls and a boy.
To outsiders, theirswas ‘a marriage made in heaven’, and seemed to be one of the best husband-wife relationships one could ever dream of. The couple was always seen smiling at each other, playing and enjoying each other’s company, sometimes lost in their own world.
Life could not have been much better for them, until the day things started to change. Their last child, a handsome little boy named Timothy Jnr, fell sick and it became a serious problem to the once happy family. Everything stood still; working and eating became mechanical and forced,their lives were, to say the least, put on hold until their son recovered from his ailment.
The couple ran back and forth from one hospital to another but it seemed as if none of the treatments were working. The father was ready to spend all he had to make his son get well again. But that seemed to be the least of his problems as the doctor who was treating their son was to give him the greatest shock of his life.
Sitting with his wife and lovely boy at the consulting room, the doctor asked each of them of their medical history and if anybody had that kind of sickness before. Timothy thought for a while and shook his head. “What about you Madam?” The lady, without much thoughtalso answered in the negative. The doctor advised that a DNA testis conducted on the child.
Samples were taken from the father and they were asked to come back for results. When the couple returned, the doctor handed over a sheet of paper to the man, and as he looked through, he discovered to his shock that the boy’s genetic profile did not match his own. Still in shock, he decided that the test be conducted on all the children to erase his doubt, and to his bewilderment, he discovered that, in fact, onlyone of the children (the 3rd) was his biological child; the other three were fathered by two different men.
Narrating the story to LEADERSHIP WEEKEND, Timothy lamented:“I am finished! I wish this was not happening to me. Why me? I don’t know what to do now, someone must help me. I love my children so much.” When he was asked about his wife’s reaction, he shook his head with tears in his eyes: ‘‘You see, this is one woman I love so much and will do everything to make happy but I didn’t know she could be so loose! At first when the result came out and I asked her who the father of my kids is, she told me that I am the father, that the test is not true.
And because I didn’t want to hurt her and my children, I apologised to her for asking such questions since we were looking for how our son would get better. After my son recovered and we continued to live as usual, she noticed that I was not as free as before, though the love was still strong. One night she woke me up and asked me, ‘do you still love me?’ and I said ‘Yes, why do you ask? She said she wanted to tell me something.
That was when she confessed that she had not been faithful in our marriage and that our first daughter isactually from one of her affairs with her ex-boyfriend from the university. The other two children, she went on, were fathered by her boss, although she has kept it a secret even from him. Only her ex-boyfriend knows about the first pregnancy which is his.’
According to LEADERSHIP WEEKEND findings, these cases are so rampant now that many families have either had to live with it or break up due to mistrust.
For Temitayo and his wife Bimbola, the case is not very different as the two kids in their custody do not belong to the man.
According to Bimbola, she decided to sleep with other men to get pregnant because she wanted to preserve her marriage since her husband pregnant could not get her.
Barrister Ifeanyi’s case is bit pathetic, as his wife told him that she never loved him in the first place but married him for financial reasons. She admits having a lover who she has been seeing for a while.
With this trend in our society today, DNA laboratories have become akin to popular tourist centres as families troop in to get tested.
According to a DNA expert, who chose to remain anonymous, he has been conducting paternity tests for years now and the situation is getting worse every day as more and more couples come in for tests.
‘‘Recently a couple came with their two- year- old daughter who they discovered had been behaving strangely at home, so the father got worried since nobody in his family behaves that way. Unknown to the wife, the man decided to take them to get tested, and he discovered to his shock that he was not the girl’s biological father.? It is just disturbing; the level of infidelity in our society, every week we record one case or the other, and at times I get confused.
But you know paternity tests are not very popular in our society, most often people only conduct it by chance if their children are having complicated medical issues that require genetic profile of the child. You can imagine a man, who has spent 30years grooming and nurturing a child, only to realise that he is not the biological father of that child. Imagine how devastated he will be.”
According to relationship and marriage experts, so many reasons could be attributed to the act, ranging from unfaithfulness, greed, infertility, a corrupt society, incompatibility in relationships, economic pressure, promiscuity and social demands.
Dr (Mrs) Becky Eneche, a marriage and relationship expert, medical doctor and pastor of Dunamis International Gospel Centre, Abuja spoke on the truth behind love and sex. According to her, love is not sex and one of the reasons for infidelity in our homes today is premarital sex:? “There is no way a young lady who has been involved in all manner of premarital sex with different men will now be satisfied with one man when she finally gets married.
These days, young girls feel that if you don’t have sex before marriage, you have missed the fun, but that is not true; premarital sex only brings promiscuity and unfaithfulness after marriage.’
Prof (Mrs.) Okafor is a university don and counsellor on relationships and marriage: ‘you see there is a great difference between ‘like’ and ‘love’, some young ladies and men just see the opposite sex and ‘fall in love’ maybe because of physical appearance, financial strength, social status or strong contacts of the other person.
That means if they get married, they may not be faithful to each other because they will certainly see someone else who has more of that glamour they crave for from their partners. That is what accounts for these shocking incidents you keep hearing about. Love means ‘in spite of’, in otherwords, whether you have that thing or not, whether you are around or not, I will not compromise my vow.”
Mr.Tayo is a motivational speaker and consultant on relationship; he attributes the devastating trend to social pressure either in the work place, among friends, etc: “I think people must come to the point where they believe in themselves and honour agreement. Marriage or even friendship is an agreement that must be honoured. A young girl does not need to sacrifice her family and marriage on the altar of living big or getting a job. This also applies to men who would be bold enough without conscience to sleep and impregnate another man’s wife.’
With the recent report from condom manufacturers that Nigerians have the most reckless sexual lifestyle, the bottom line is, what should we do? And if one may ask, who is the owner of that child that calls you dad in your house?
Can we all decide for paternity tests for our children to be sure whether we are the biological fathers? Will that not cause more tears than joy in our marriages? Is there anything government, religious and traditional bodies, CSOs can do to curtail this immorality in our society?